What happens in Vegas...

SHOULD stay in Vegas! Holy mother of all that is good. Since when did the saying "What Happens In Vegas Stays in Vegas" start to apply to more than the wild happenings? I understand as well as the next person that Vegas is a place for letting your hair down, staying out until all hours of the morning and only hoping to recall 35% of what actually happened.

However... since when did it mean
1. Wear clothes that DO NOT fit, nor have they fit within the last 5 years.
2. Wear high heels that you cannot walk in, and look like a walking beast all night.
3. Bathe yourself in perfume/cologne prior to going anywhere.
4. Wear clothing that is too short on a 5 year old, let alone your 35 year old body.
5. Wear "pimp hats" and "sunglasses" EVERYWHERE.
6. Become completely unaware of underwear lines/creases.

OK. I'm a little more conservative that the next guy, but I just spent a week in Vegas and had some of the best people watching episodes EVER! No, it was not nice, but it is not my fault that you, or the guy/gal next to you chooses to dress in the most unflattering, ridiculous clothing I've ever seen and then parade around the city. I mean give me a break, is there a point to pleather hot-shorts, sequined bra top and and a BIG FAT FUR hat with matching knee high boots? Last I checked... it's Vegas - you don't need the fur hat or boots. And, you'll look like an idiot sweating to death in the club.

Once you leave that hotel room, you are on parade - it's Vegas. Really people.... there ARE mirrors in the hotel rooms. USE THEM! And... if you're there with friends, you should slap them silly if they do not tell you that your butt DOES look big in the shorts you wore in 1999, and your boobs are not meant to be in your throat, they belong on your chest. I repeatedly said "oh, who doesn't love her enough" (as in, "who doesn't love her enough to tell her this isn't good). I mean really people. We all have days and times where we wear things we shouldn't and there are definitely times where I want to shout "more power to ya sister!"... But so many things were so very wrong with everything that was happening it was sad.

At one point, I decided to try to find someone who looked "classic" and "well presented". This means, put together with the intent of going out and making an impression, but not like a 2-bit hooker "trying" to be noticed. Sadly, the one girl I found was about 17 and was with her family. I guess it says a lot about FAMILY! Her mother did love her enough - and it showed. She looked stunning in a little black dress, makeup was fabulous (fake lashes and all), jewelry was perfect and her hair was done (with more than just a straight iron). Beautiful, jaw dropping, and classic. GO GIRL, but even more so - GO PARENTS! Although I'm sure her father was wanting to put her in a cave for 30 years after seeing the looks she was getting, I wanted to go up and shake his hand and say "Thank you for letting your daughter dress in less than you approve of, but in a classy way. She's beautiful."

Needless to say, many people would say I'm shallow and insecure for pointing out the flaws of others, but to them I say - "I am perfectly aware of my flaws - flabby tush, flotation device of fat surrounding my mid-section and overly rotund thighs." I am very aware. Here's the thing, I don't pretend to be a size 2, and I definitely am aware of underwear lines! HELLO!

Now, I'm going to cook dinner. A healthy dinner that will hopefully aid in the shrinking of all the above mentioned flaws (poor Josh, he too is subject to this dinner and doesn't need to be).

Toodles... and look in the mirror before you leave the house!